Love: A feeling or a choice

In the past few weeks my heart has been heavy about something that came up in a discussion I had with Matt on the couch at the end of a very long day. We were talking about "hard" things. I say it this way because I am pretty sure there were many different things we were talking about that seemed hard at the time. We started talking about our marriage and our past and began digging deep down to try and uncover some of the root problems we had been experiencing in our marriage. Warning!! When you are willing to dig deep into your messy heart you WILL run into some pretty uncomfortable things that have been hiding out in your life. Be willing to face them and fix them if you proceed.

Usually, I love these conversations. Matt and I both enjoy sitting down together and talking about the things that really make a difference in our marriage. The things that hurt but then allow us to grow even closer once we bring them to the table. On this particular night I was confronted with a deep conviction about something that I realized was a deep rooted problem in my life. Something that I always thought I understood and something that now I was realizing I didn't understand at all. Love.

My Wandering Soul

I have found myself "floating" around on social media lately thinking about what many others have thought before me..."Doesn't their life look easy. Did I really need to know that? Oh look...another vacation. They really have it all together." Can you see where I am going with this? I find myself longing for days that belong to someone else.  I see their happy kids on a day when mine are struggling. I see their beautiful vacations in a season where we can't afford one. I see them all smiling when I want to cry. 
I am not writing this because I am depressed or unusually sad, but I am finding that it has been easy for me fall into the trap of longing for the things that I don't have. This is a repetitious pattern that appears in my life when I am not Trusting the God that I love. It happens when I try to fill a void in my life with "things" and not Him. It happens when I drift away from reading His Word and fill my head with nonsense. As a mom with four young kids I find that I am very aware of this cycle in my life.  I am not in denial about my lack of time with the Lord, but I have found just about every excuse in the book as to why I don't have time for the one thing that is most important for me.

Facing the Daily Trials...

There are so many days when I wish I could just pray and God would remove me from the situation I was in. I would like to avoid that conflict with my husband or friend. I would like to avoid the pile of laundry that has piled up in several rooms of my house. I would like to avoid cooking dinner while my children are arguing, crying, and having accidents (of various kinds). I know that it is always within Gods power to remove these things from me. But, I also know that it is these things that He uses to sharpen me and help me to put my trust in Him completely.

Sometimes my relationship with God is like hot bathwater...you know when the water is really hot and you just keep dipping your toes in, but can't fully commit to sitting completely in the water.  I know I need to take a bath but the water is just too hot!! I know that I need to be in God's word and trusting Him completely with my daily situations as a wife, mom and just as a woman. It is too easy for me to dip my toes in with God.  To trust Him with most things and just try to handle the "other" things on my own.

Today my mom challenge was this:
"Abide in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit by itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in me. I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing."
-John 15:4

This is such a powerful reminder.  Apart from God we can do NOTHING! I read a great lesson plan idea that presented children with an understanding of this verse by showing them both raisins and grapes. Explaining of course that when we try to bear fruit of any kind without the vine we become as shriveled as the raisin. This week I have been meditating on Psalm 25. And while reading this passage of scripture the Lord has revealed to me many areas of my own life where "when I don't know what to do," I am leaning on my own understanding and not leaning on and trusting God. When the bible clearly says in many places and in many different ways...

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make strait your paths. Be not wise in your own eyes; fear the Lord and turn away from evil." 
-Proverbs 3:5-7

The reality is that we can not escape the hardships in life.  There are hardships of many kinds that we will and must face.  God tells us again in scripture, "I have said these things to you, that you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world." John 16:33 I am reminded that my trials and tribulations should not surprise me when they show themselves in my life. In fact, every day I need to prepare for the trials of that day. Preparing my heart to face the day and asking God to help me look to Him.  I should be putting on the full armor of God and trusting Him completely. Trusting means...letting go! That is a hard one for me.

I was really encouraged by a faithful friend this week who sent me a simple text message. It said in part," This is a tough season you are in. But, God is faithful to His children! He can be trusted. I KNOW He can be trusted. I just have to LIVE it." We do have to live it. But, by His grace and in His perfect love for each of us, He has made it so that we do not have to live it alone! That is what I am thankful for this week as we are celebrating Jesus! He didn't leave me alone...He is with me! And by nothing I did...He saved me knowing I was full of sin and made me clean! PRAISE JESUS!

Be Still...Not Quiet

I am currently receiving a daily email from Revive Our Hearts (Nancy Leigh DeMoss' website and ministry https://www.reviveourhearts.com/). The email is a thirty day challenge for moms.  I really felt that the Lord led me to this challenge on the day that I happened to come across it on her website.  Like every mom, I go through seasons of feeling extremely over burdened with the job that God has set before me.  

I feel like the housework, and the teaching is so much to handle. And there are many days when I feel like I am trying desperately to lead my children and they are simply not having it. There are days where it feels like every effort that I make is a failed attempt and I just don't know what to do next. When I start feeling like this...I know where I need to turn. My efforts are to be a service for the Lord. If my efforts are for any other reason other than working to raise Godly children for His kingdom and give Him glory...I notice my feelings start to creep up and take over in a very unpleasant way. 

This mom challenge has been daily encouraging me to grow as a mother. It has also forced me to dig deep into my heart and uncover the motivations behind why I do what I do as a mother. Right away on day one of the challenge I was greatly encouraged by the titled message "Not so quiet times." 

Ruth and the Gospel

I am currently studying a book titled "The Scriptures Testify About Me, Jesus and the Gospel in the Old Testament." The book was edited by D.A. Carson, and includes eight chapters written by great theologians of our time who are taking various chapters and verses from the Old Testament and pointing us to Christ. Understanding the meta-narrative of the bible, meaning the "big picture story" from beginning to end is a task that overwhelms me.  It is amazing to me how all of the scriptures whisper the name and person of Jesus. 
I was not taught to study the bible this way and as an adult who is now seeking to understand the bible the way it was meant to be read...I am even more astounded with God and His provisions in the lives of His people all throughout history. And today. 
The chapter we read this week was written by Allistair Begg and was about the book of Ruth. This truly is a beautiful story in many ways. I don't want to reflect on the entire book of Ruth here, but felt compelled to share the beautiful picture of marriage and sacrifice that Allistair Begg pulls out of this complicated love story.

Adopted For Life

It wasn't until several years ago that God blessed me with a true and biblical view of adoption.  I always admired people who had the courage to adopt and always thought it was a really honorable thing to do. Matt and I continue to pray about this calling for our own family and have been for several years. When we first began thinking about adoption in our own family we received a book by Russel Moore called "Adopted For Life: The Priority of Adoption for Christian Families and Churches".  It was then that we began to truly understand the theology of Adoption and the call for every Christian to be a part of this ministry.  It was then that we realized that the way we had been viewing adoption was all wrong. I read this book thinking, "how was I never taught this before?"

As the article below describes so beautifully, "The gospel is not a picture of adoption. Adoption is a picture of the gospel," (John Piper). I love the perspective of this article. written by the one who was adopted.  This person who was adopted from Romania as an infant says, "God had sovereignly chosen adoption for me." It is a powerful and wonderful truth to see God's sovereign hand in all things.  Even before the world began, God had homes chosen for each child that would be placed with a family, both through natural birth and adoption. But, even better than that...that little girl didn't have to do anything to be chosen by the family that came across the world to love her and make her their daughter.  She was born into helplessness and what seemed like hopelessness and yet God had a magnificent plan for her life that involved loving parents, a loving home and His saving grace.  She did nothing to deserve this love.

This points directly to Christ and His unconditional love for His children. Over and over again I am reminded that I can do NOTHING to earn the love of my Savior.  His love for me was freely given and undeserved! Before God saved me from my hopelessness I was just as helpless as that little girl lying in Romania an orphan. So often we hear people speaking about their self-sufficiency, like an award that is pinned to the coat of their life...when in reality there is no such thing in this world!  Without the saving work of God in our lives each one of us is helpless and hopeless. 

Adoption is a beautiful picture of the gospel.  If you are a Christian I urge you to become truly informed of the powerful ministry that is in adoption.  I would love to see this ministry come to life in our churches, to see it taught well behind the pulpit to those of us who don't understand it fully. After all, God's children are all adopted.

"even as he chose us in Him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and blameless before him. In love he predestined us for adoption as sons through Jesus Christ, according to the purpose of his will, to the praise of his glorious grace, with which he has blessed us in the Beloved." (Ephesians 1:5)

Article:
Delighting in the Greater Adoption from the Gospel Coalition Blog 
http://thegospelcoalition.org/blogs/tgc/2014/03/12/delighting-in-the-greater-adoption/

Joy Alongside Earthly Labor

My heart has been in a place of discouragement for some time.  I have been working so hard to keep everything clean and organized. If you walked in my house you would think, "This girl has it together!" I have to be honest and say that from the outside looking in I am usually great at appearing as though I have it "all together." But in reality, my soul has been limping around and in need of some spiritual healing.

As women, aren't we good at covering up our wounded souls? Why do we desire to look so good to everyone around us, when the One who knows our every thought (past, present, and future) is the only one who matters? In this past week my conviction has been heavy.  I have been absent from Gods Word in a meaningful way for far too long. And I have become aware of the laundry list of things that I have been placing before my precious time with Him.

But, God is so Faithful!  This weekend was one of those times when God was hitting me over the head time and time again with the same message from His word delivered to me through many different people and sources!  Stop laboring in vain and ground yourself back in the Truth!  So here is how God spoke to my heart through His Living Word today...

The Theology of Uncomfortable Grace

This past Sunday our teaching portion of the service was over and I was singing along with the worship team. I don't remember the song that we were singing, but I do remember it being about how God is enough.  I remember glancing around the congregation (we have little ones, so we are always sitting in the back row), and taking notice of some of the women in our congregation that I knew were suffering from terrible trials in their lives.  Some having lost children, some suffering from cancer, others with broken marriages and children who don't know the Lord.  I began to think about the words of the song we were singing and asked myself the question, "Is God really enough?...do I believe that He is enough to heal and comfort us during such terrible times of trial?"
I would tell anyone that asked me this question that in my heart I do know that God is enough. Gods Word tells us this very clearly. In this particular moment as I watched a woman with cancer raising her hands to praise the Lord I wondered to myself, "Does the way that I live my life in the midst of trial demonstrate that I truly believe this to be true?"

Nancy Leigh DeMoss had a message on today's program that really touched my heart at its core. The message was given at the Revive 13' conference for leaders in her ministry and was given by Dr. Paul David Tripp.  I have provided the link below and hope that you have time to listen to this message that is centered on the idea that God is enough and He does care.

Dr. Tripp says in this message, "God will take you where you haven't intended to go in order to produce in you what you could not achieve on your own God will take you . . . and you . . . and you . . . and you . . . and me where we have not intended to go in order to produce in us what we could not achieve on our own. Do you know what the Bible calls that? Grace!

I think for many of us—and I've been here many times in my life—there are moments where I'm crying out, "Where is the grace of God?" And I'm getting it. But it's not a cool drink. It's not a soft pillow. Oh, I want the grace of relief and the grace of release, and I get those in pieces, but largely those are to come.

What I actually need is the transforming grace of refinement. It's grace! Sisters, we'd better become committed to encouraging one another and teaching one another and preaching to one another (get this terminology) the theology of uncomfortable grace.

Because very often, this side of eternity, the grace of God comes to me in uncomfortable forms. It's grace! It's grace! It's grace! God will take you where you haven't chosen to go in order to produce in you what you could not achieve on your own. That's glorious grace.." 

I love this Truth! I love it because when I talk about God's Grace it is usually surrounding a circumstance that I feel He has spared me from.  "It's by His grace that all of my children are healthy, that my husband has a job that provides for us, and that we live in a beautiful home where our every need is available to us!"  I don't usually say to people "It's by His grace that I am having great difficulty staying at home with my children right now, or that we are approaching financial difficulty, or that my college days were filled with regret and stupidity or that I feel like the walls of this house are closing in on me." But listen, the trials that we are going through (no matter how big or small), the difficulties that are to come...that is Gods Grace! Jesus isn't after my difficulties.  He is after me and my heart!  So at the end of the day the theology of Uncomfortable Grace is helping me to understand why I must praise Him in the midst of every trial and not only if He is willing to remove the trial from me. Because there are times when I am crying out, "Where is your Grace?" And I too, am getting it. Now I can understand why the woman with cancer in my church are raising their hands in praise on Sunday! God is so good!

Listen for yourself and be encouraged! The message is taken from Mark 6:45-52
http://www.reviveourhearts.com/radio/revive-our-hearts/when-grace-sends-you-storm/

A Change of Heart

I want to share my heart for a minute about a topic that makes its way into a lot of Matt's and my conversations with people both close to us and people we just met.  The question is, "How do you stay at home with all of those young kids?" And the follow-up response is usually something along the lines of, "I just couldn't do what you do. It takes a special kind of person to do that."

I will respond to the question and say that their is a special person that makes it possible...but it is not me.

Here is a little bit of our story...

Fruit of the Spirit: A Word of Help

I consider myself very blessed to be married to a man who loves the Lord and is the strong spiritual leader of our family. Matt and I (like many married couples) don't often have our bad days at the same time.  This is a blessing because on the days when I seem to be falling apart he is there to offer me scripture and encouragement to lift me up.  
The last couple of days have been difficult in our house.  I have three young children (ages 4, 3, and 1) and am eight months pregnant with our fourth.  

On this particular morning I could tell my oldest was battling some heart issues and my younger two were battling a bad cold.  I was tired and already feeling the weight of a very long day ahead of me...immediately allowing myself to become crabby and discouraged.  I woke up this morning and found a note of encouragement left on the counter by my husband.   The Lord used Him this morning to fill my heart with just the Words I needed to hear.  

I posted this note and scripture on my refrigerator to remind me of my primary goal everyday and that is to lead my children in love, to serve them, and to do so with love, joy, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.

Jesus is primarily an all-loving servant who lays down His life for His sheep…

He is secondarily a disciplinarian to His sheep because He always disciplines as a loving shepherd. (John 10 and Hebrews 12:6)

Fruits of the Spirit

Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control

Not fruits of the Spirit

Anger, frustration, impatience, harshness, environment-control

So often, we put the blame of a bad day on those around us...even our small children. When in fact, we are the ones who are losing the spiritual battle.  I was instantly convicted by my impatience, frustration, and harshness toward the kids that I realized the battle going on in my heart was the root of the problem. By God's grace, He has given me the power through the Holy Spirit to overcome the sin that often weighs down on my heart. 

2 Peter 1:2-8
" His divine power has granted to us all things that pertain to life and godliness, through the knowledge of him who called us to his own glory and excellence, by which he has granted to us his precious and very great promises, so that through them you may become partakers of the divine nature, having escaped from the corruption that is in the world because of sinful desire..."