A Change of Heart

I want to share my heart for a minute about a topic that makes its way into a lot of Matt's and my conversations with people both close to us and people we just met.  The question is, "How do you stay at home with all of those young kids?" And the follow-up response is usually something along the lines of, "I just couldn't do what you do. It takes a special kind of person to do that."

I will respond to the question and say that their is a special person that makes it possible...but it is not me.

Here is a little bit of our story...

Five years ago, Matt and I had been married for one year and were living in our first home.  The idea of starting a family was exciting and filled us both with much anticipation for our future.  I always had plans to be a stay at home mom as long as my children were little.  Part of the reason I went to school to get my teaching degree was because I knew that it was going to be a great career to piggyback my strong desire to be a mother.  I thought that as soon as my kids went off to Kindergarten I would be teaching in their school and everything would work out perfectly.  I loved my job and thought that it was truly my calling from the Lord to be working right where I was. And it was...for a time.

Four years ago, I became pregnant with Oliver and my whole life began to change.  These plans that I had set in my mind still seemed right, and Oliver's arrival consumed my thoughts. When he was born I stayed at home for several months and decided to finish out my school year in order to honor my contract.  After this time I approached my principal and let her know that I would not be returning the following fall.  I had decided to stay home with Oliver.  So far this was following my original plan to stay home until he was ready to go to school.  Little did I know that the Lord had very different plans for my life and was going to begin pressing new ideas and thoughts on my heart.

Within several weeks of my resignation, Matt came home early from work and told me that earlier that day he had lost his job.  Within seconds my mind began to spin and my very good and well thought out plans didn't seem to be working out...to say the least. How could I stay home if my husband wasn't working? I just quit my job!  In this very moment there was a calming voice in the back of my mind saying...trust me.  After my initial shedding of a few good tears my heart was filled with overwhelming peace.  This was the first time I experienced the peace of God come over me in a very real way. 

"Rejoice in the Lord always, again I will say, rejoice. Let your reasonableness be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand; do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God which surpasses all understanding will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Philipians 4:4-7

Many voices were saying "Go and get your job back, it's not too late!" or "You're crazy to just wait and see if this is going to work out. You need to do something!" The truth about this last statement is that it did look crazy to continue on the path we were on with a small baby, a house and no jobs. But, Matt and I chose to trust God and not to panic.  We felt that it was in His will for me to stay home with our children and we were ready to wait on the Lord and see what He had planned.  We understood that this could even mean losing our home, if Matt couldn't get a job in several months, but it was a risk we were willing to take.  I was ready to take in kids to do in-home daycare and we were ready to put our house on the market when literally the day before we would begin the process, God provided a job for Matt.  The salary was just enough that I would not have to do daycare in order to pay the bills.  We marveled at how God provided! 

In the past four years God has blessed our family in many ways.  Our church at the time had provided us with extremely rich teaching from God's Word.  Matt and I began to grow tremendously in our knowledge of God and doctrinal truths. And our marriage began to grow in ways I didn't think were possible.  It was at this church that God surrounded me with homeschool moms. These were both ordinary and extraordinary; very Godly women that were doing an amazing job raising and teaching their children about the love of Christ.  It was then that God pressed on my heart to teach my own children at home.  It was a process for me to come to the conclusion that this was best for me and my children, but in the end God has been faithful and has given me the wisdom and knowledge I need to begin this calling.

It is only by the strength that comes from the Holy Spirit that I am able to be at home with my children all day...everyday :) "I thank him who has given me strength, Christ Jesus our Lord, because he judged me faithful, appointing me to his service, though formerly I was a blasphemer, persecutor, and insolent opponent. But I received mercy because I had acted ignorantly in unbelief, and the grace of our Lord overflowed for me with the faith and love that are in Christ Jesus." 1 Timothy 1:12-14

It does take a special person to make it work. It takes a wonderful Savior who gives His children the strength and the grace needed daily to do what is hard. Making this choice has brought many challenges, but also is bringing many joys! God is using my children to sanctify me and draw me closer to Him...